In and Out of Sanity

I wake up with my brain spinning from last night’s ‘research’ about the 1918 Spanish Influenza. Note to self: stop researching historical pandemics. I send an email about a project I’m working on and my head starts to spin. There it is. I’m spiraling. Sinking into all consuming thoughts around fear. Fear of anything really. The fear exists and then there is an (insert here) of what I’m worried about. Today I’m afraid of (insert here.) It’s not about the subject, my brain wants to continue on with the worrying so it searches for proof. Enter meditation. Thank God for space and self-awareness. I was reading about Carl Jung last night and his theory of the collective unconscious. Basically we all have a shared intelligence outside of our conscious thought. He wrote some of his work during the Spanish Flu when he was in quarantine. He also went through a period of time where he was tapping into delusions. Would we call him crazy? What does it mean to be crazy? Is crazy just people who are convinced of things that others can’t see and don’t believe in? Is crazy just going against what is generally accepted? Or does the “crazy” label happen when you potentially put yourself and others in harms way because of your beliefs/actions? I’ve had a life long fear of going crazy. Sometimes I think, there it is, it’s finally happening. I’m losing it. But then I get my period. And it’s fine.