Clam Looking For Shell

Well I woke up on the vulnerable side of the bed. Everyday I do the usual check in. Do I have a fever? No? Ok. How am I feeling? Today I felt fine. Until. Until nothing really. A call with family, a check-in at work. I started crying. I just feel raw. Like a clam without her shell. It’s okay to have days like this. I just have to take it easy. Stop trying to “do isolation well” and have all the projects and recipes and workouts. Today I take it slowly. One thing at a time. Stop trying to check boxes. Just waking up and showing up for myself is enough. Maybe I’ll need a nap. Maybe I won’t workout. My body is sore from yesterday’s intense dance release session (which was primal and necessary.) I keep crying. I don’t have to have it all together. I don’t have to have the answers. I don’t have to be exceptional or solve all the problems of COVID. I put highlighter on my cheeks. I drink my juice. I write. I do the work. And then I surrender. My head aches. Allergies. Stress. Normal. I worry about my mom. I want to know how I can do more. But sometimes the best way to help is to take care of ourselves. It can be uncomfortable to accept that at first. I am doing what I can. I am staying home. I am putting out messages of love and reassurance. I am present for my family. Oh hey there tears, you are welcome here, come on in.