Whatever Works

The rain! Why is it so damn soothing? I’m working to address my underlying dread today rather than just whirlwind through my to-do list until I collapse on the coach with phantom symptoms. I feel like that cartoon dog meme in the burning fire. “This is fine.” Ha. Running through my list of ‘feel goods.’ Meditate. Check. Bake and eat gooey orange bread. Check. Buy lunch for doctors. Write script talking to exhausted parents. Reassure myself that the ground is not about to be removed from beneath my feet. Take hot bath. Not be able to enjoy bath because of worry and to-do list. Ah Bevan. Relax. Make some celery and peanut butter with sliced date. It’s amazing how wonderfully simple and reassuring eating delicious things can be for the psyche. I understand that I’m not saying anything brilliant or revolutionary today but that’s okay. The point is to survive honestly during this time. To help where I can and let go of the rest. To enjoy and not feel guilty about it. I recently read something I wrote years ago in the midst of overcoming an addiction to adderall. I said “this sandwich makes it okay.” Ha. It’s so true! We can be surrounded by fire and brimstone and inner turmoil but sometimes a sandwich makes it okay. I’m focused on that today. New wool socks. The rain. Celery sticks and baked breads. Whatever works.